meltedflowers's Blog

Took you in when you had nowhere to go.... Fed you, got you clothes, gave you one of my pillows and blankets, even though I really did not have enough to share. Said it was >your home as much as mine and the food here is yours too.Loved you dear family member with all my heart, even talked about setting you up even more of your own space. Was your alarm clock when you were too lazy to set one.Had faith in you, looked for reasons to be proud of you when most could not see past your short-comings. Stood up for you when the world was mad at you, cried for you, worried for you. Now that you are getting on your feet, instead of returning the favor you are running away.Telling me that way at your new place you can come in three am with no issues. I got a hankering to tell you off, but all I feel is hurt. Your being dumb, child. Let me just say this... Don't ask me for nothing else, When you seek me I will be gone, far, far away. Let me say this family can hurt you worse than anyone else. Worse than a knife in the gut they are.... My mood: extremely Betrayed

:yawn: so tired this morning..I  was SLEEPING last night and pretty well when I got woke up by what I THOUGHT was somebody knocking at my door.. I think OMG something is wrong who knocks at this time of night??? my dogs were barking like there was a box of steaks just beyond my front door and the outside dogs sounded like MJ was doing the moonwalk in flaming shorts made of cats... so I wake from a dead sleep run to my door and THERE WAS NOBODY THERE!! my living-room was colder than a box of snow and every dog for miles was barking up a storm..I close the door and run to the other door....WTF nothing... I check each kid ...nothing everything is fine.. meanwhile I am groggy, freaked out and cold... I run and check the doors again... nothing.. but the sound had woke up my family member too so I guess he must have wrestled some giant boogie monster to the ground and went all ninja on whatever was out there.... cause I didn't see a thing.. I shiver some more, check all the kids again, and go back to bed...only to get woke up AGAIN by my cats doing the Olympic gymnastics on my belly..... apparently I make a GREAT trampoline... I grumble and try the whole sleep thing again... then my husband wakes me up as he is getting ready for work..and here I am... tired.... still wondering if I ever even was checking doors last night or did I dream it all... while my dogs, cats and kids sleep soundly content in dreamworld..the very same dreamworld that has rejected me for some reason... I will seek my revenge....SLeep now my cats...sleep now.... (fills the water gun) ;-p

To all you young little rude people in your teens and 20's! Some people I would like more if they thought before they spoke, and didn't say rude things. (sigh) You want me to like/respect you, then talk like you understand I am older and wiser than you! I have more life experience in the tip of my pinkie than you do in your whole body. There is a difference between a "joke" and just blatant rudeness. Act like you have an IQ of more than 110 or so! You have had your experiences I'll grant you that and you can be somewhat mature but your still young and in my book that means you need to speak to me and my family (who is a part of me) with respect AT ALL TIMES! Got it? Good! You need to stop your smart mouth and bragging its a real annoyance. I don't like people either and I have my own personal demons, but I think before I speak. Besides your words let me know your immature and have a short fuse! How disgraceful! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Remember, it takes a true man or woman of God to turn the other cheek. Don't sink to the level of the ones you are angry at, it just makes you look bad. I am sure your mamma's taught you better than that! THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!!!!! Thank you! (SMH)

Ok, for those of you who said they are submitting stories, please inbox them to me, I am really wanting to close up this book and start on my next one, thanks a bunch. Again here is what I am looking for. Anything and everything you can think of about a Grandma in your life. (can be a great or anyone you considered a grandma) Funny stories, inspirational, dramatic, heart wrenching, and songs that make you think of her, special recipes, pictures, and/or special moments you guys had together.Pretty much anything you want to share. Please remember to let me know if I can use your real name or what name you want me to use. Thanks so much.

when i wrote the check the money was there...now the store owner says if  i dont bring in the money he will file a warrent  i dont want to go to jail omg please something happen good please somebody help me... im so scared.....  

I dont have thirty dollars how can i be so broke as to not have thrity... well its sixty cause the fee on it is another thirty dollar  chare but   at least thirty would keep me out of jail and ill never  write another check again.. omg   (cries)  

.think now is a great time to start deleting people off FB list and not talk to anyone on the net or off ever again, because things just never work out like they are supposed to.. so don't take it personal when I delte you all or maybe this stupid page all together. I know I'm jsut money is al lI am and if I don't have any money at all then I won't be needed.. or wanted around and look at my other cousin she don't talk to me but hey lets ask me fo rmoney and so if blood is that way then I am sure not blood would be that way so Im gonna shut eveyone out so i cant be hurt. 

i dont knwo how i am going to pay rent or anything tax money will be in what four or five weeks mabye less but i dont care i jsut give up i am tried of tryiing.....

Well here it is the end of a  sucky year.  I lost my house due to foreclosure just like millions of other people, and found out that the drama never stops even at my age people will still stab you in the back. I found who my true friends are and that you can start over  yet again with nothing. This year went by so fast, I swear it was only a few days ago and I was looking forward to 2011 being a rocking year. This year I became a Christian and for once I have peace and I am OK with not having the answers. I found that there are two kinds  of Christians  the  ones who have faith and love their fellow man and the ones who have  much to hide and shove  religion down  the throat of the world. I am not the latter I am, happy to say. I have not tried suicide in almost six months so my decision last march was a good one I would say. I am still trying to process having a disease and the fact I will not live as long as others and I hope I will see my children grow up. I still have a bit of anger that I was always has the good girl no random sex and no stds. I wonder if the surgery and the treatment will save my life. I still roll my eyes as the doctors try to figure my body out and why my body rejects so much medication and antibiotics. It seems as if every three months my body shuts down and they pump me with fluids and antibiotics and say i am simply a medical mystery. Whatever. Just cure this crap and leave me be. On top of all of this and dealing with my youngest being sick. Finally the relief that the doctors have  listened to me and found I was right she is having seizures when she is not having a fever she is now on meds maybe life will be normal. Maybe i can sleep without being afraid she will have a seizure in her sleep and not wake up. I did not lose any weight this year and yeah I look like the Goodyear blimp but i am OK with that. you don't like my size oh well I'm an excellent cook and there is just more of me to love. This year I have confronted many evils i was afraid to confront. my husbands ex things are OK and i talk to my adopted daughters mother  and things are OK.  i even made peace with my mother. i have no hate in my heart for  her only love. even the ones that  have stabbed  me in my back i honestly love them. i cant explain it but i feel no ill will towards anyone. I cant tell you how long i have left on this earth., just one day  there will not be any more posts from me, and i just hope that when that time comes  that i will have made a difference at some point to somebody in somebody's life. i may be here for many more years or this could be my last night on earth, either way i learned the most important lesson in my journey of life in 2011, I ,learned to love with my whole being with no hate or prejudiced thoughts. I wish every one the best year. So now we enter into 2012, which is supposed to be the last year on earth. I do not think it is but I do believe something will change on a global scale. I can only pray that humans as a whole will learn to be kind and caring and the way that we were all meant to be., Here is to 2012 may it bring joy, peace and prosperity to all.  

Since I was 8 every year when its the month of my birthday somebody dies, a pet dies, a human I am close to dies or leaves. A friend leaves a roommate moves but mostly there is some sort of death... In fact, my great grandma on my mother's side died this month before i was born,on her way to see me be born. Mother never let me live it down. Used to tell me how I am the daughter of saten being born two days before all hallowes eve. Honey my pomerianin died this month, grandpa got diagnosed with lung cancer this monthnever made it to christmas, I first tried to take my life at age eleven this month. ect ect. My dad left two weeks before my birthday. The amesia from being hit in the head wiped out so many memories but the ones that scarred my soul still stand. I got chance after the puppy I had was killed and I found her body. I had been so excited to have a dog after having rented for so long was buying a house so I could have a dog like Daddy had gotten me BJ (Bear Junior) for my birthday early from the litter of puppies that Bear had at papaw's house I was turning eight years old....good thing he did too cuase guess what? papaw up and died and lucky me I knew the second he died and what was going to be said when the phone rang (the days before caller id) and sure enough evil amy was right. diabetes was it not? The very same shit that rules my life on top of everything else? Stupid useless insulin and your telling me to remember to take this twice a day every day for the rest of my life, and how long is that three four years? Lets dragg it out to what eight ten years? Whoopie I feel like crap now lets make it last! But there I was excited gonna own a home gonna be worth something gonna have the American dream and well darn my puppy got killed so Elizabeth Lewelling come picked me up and took me to her house. Said her dad would not let her keep no puppies of her dog Angel, and if I did not take the last puppy (the others died) he was gonna knock him in the head. I did not want to see no stupid dog. But she brought in this wagging pile of fluff who jumped out of her arms and ran to me and woody and started licking us all over. Well that was that the dog stayed up out butts ever since. I named him Chance ( Inmemory Chance) because I said he was a chance to be happy to finally have a home to be a normal family. Well its my birthday month and guess what, another death.. when will I learn not to love anyone or anything. They are all gonna leave or die I should have learned by now. Its quiet I miss him he was unique a lot of people did not know him the way I did... he was not a dog he was a chance.
you know why I was born to a sterile daddy and a mother that didn't make eggs really? .An Evangelist name Brother Richard Hall stopped preaching in the middle of his sermon ..walked down the aisle to my mother stops and says... your gonna have a baby... she is gonna make a difference she is blessed of God ..almost eight months later, I came into the world.. and my daddy named me Amy which means "Beloved" cause I was supposed to be beloved of God and the family. He never had another child and she never did either. I really am his they did a dna and all not that I don't look just like him ... but I sure have not made a difference I should not even be here. I got to see brother hall when he came to town for revival and one day he died some time back when I grew up and decided to find him... found out he died some years ago... the short end of it all is I hate me I hate that I have not done crap with my life... I wish I was young and pretty again and could go back and do things right... maybe without the mess ups and the looking for parents in everyone I meet... alI ever wanted was to go home... everyone I ever loved is home. How lucky they all are.. none of this world is even real.. so what is the point anyways? I am still that lost girl inside only my body is older and fatter.. not that anyone gonna read this drivel anyways... I wish I had a hug right now... one of those real ones .. like grandma used to give.. when she would say your mother is sick but jesus wants you to forgive her.... she would hug me and for a time I honestly believed its ok that I was not a screw up.. a mistake the only one mother ever made she would say... I cant even keep a dog alive or a fish... or keep a home ... and a garden... I understand some people dont get attached and can walk away.. but when all you have ever done your whole life is walk away and run away... when does it stop? I look in the mirror i see a fat old woman whos nose is too wide and eyes are too small. I have crooked teeth and my neck is too fat and i have a big head. I have big boy hands and knobby knees and a fat belly and stupid boobs. My animals love me when its late and I am alone and the world has gone to bed. They see my tears and are there... and I can't even protect them .....

(to the tune of WISHING AND HOPING )

....Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying 
Planning and dreaming each night of >employment
That i can get my own internet
So if you're looking hire anyone you can share 
All you got to do is email me call me or post here 
And show the world your a dear.... 

Cause wishing and hoping and thinking and praying 
Planning and dreaming a paycheck will start 
That won't pay the bills or get us independent 
So if you're thinking of hiring please put him in your heart... 

Please? advance they just taking >applications, Walmart has app in there and the website does not have any openings, anything.... please somebody out there respond..thanks....any work.. shoveling horse poop, the mine always say they not hiring, the road construction boss say he is full up... 

omg what have I done??????????  (CRIES)           

At least for the moment......